


From Far Away

by lilolilyrae



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bear with my OCs, Established Relationship, Fix-It, Lverse, M/M, T'hy'la, Too much crossover to deal with, Vickyverse, Vulcan Bond, Vulcan Mind Melds, lol
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-15
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-26 21:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15672069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lilolilyrae/pseuds/lilolilyrae
Summary: Amanda fell from the cliff right as Spock and the other Vulcans have been transported into the enterprise. She has been believed dead ever since.A year has passed since Vulcan got destroyed. Spock is living on the enterprise, still grieving but trying to get used to the fact that his mother is no longer alive. His newfound romantic and t'hy'la bound relationship with Jim Kirk helps a lot.Suddenly, someone quite unexpected shows up out of nowhere...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Idek man.

 

 

> ~~THIS IS STILL A WIP I POSTED IT ACCIDENTALLY TJIS IS STILLSUPPOSED TO BE A DRAFT AAAAAAAA~~
> 
> ~~well I guess you can live with my way of drafting language lol xD~~
> 
> ~~Btw not from 2017, still writing this, just changed publication date so it's not at the top of my works as long as it's still unfinished~~
> 
> Update: cut this into two chapters now so I didn't have to look at the already posted mess of what is now gonna be the second chapter anymore xD so, what follows is safe to read!
> 
>  

* * *

 

 

 

Spock awakes at precisely fifteen minutes before the start of the alpha shift, feeling more rested than he has in days despite not meditating for long before going to sleep.

He moves out of bed slowly, trying to avoid disturbing his companion. Jim has been through enough lately, he deserves the rest. And as Doctor McCoy has been adamant about the Captain's rest, he will not have to be awake in time for his shift today as Spock will work as his substitute.

"Sleep well, my love" he whispers, sending reassurance through the bond as Jim moves in his sleep, distressed as he notices that Spock is no longer there. 

Spock gets dressed in his uniform, kisses his t'hy'la on the forehead and leaves the room.

 

 

Commander and stand-in-Captain Spock is on his way to the bridge when suddenly there is a loud bang and a woman appears in front of him.

Spock immediately grips his phaser and aims it at her abdomen.

Only his intense vulcan meditative and starfleet academy combat training is stopping him from being immobile due to shock.

The woman immediately raises her hands in surrender. To Spock's surprise, she appears in no way concerned for her safety. Then again, she possibly possesses the ability to change her physical location on her own command, so maybe he should be concerned for his own safety despite seemingly having the upper hand in their encounter.

Maybe he should attempt to wake Jim via lowering his shield and sending a distressing emotion, as the captain has shown in involuntary occurrences of this in the past that it is a secure way to alert him. But Jim is still not fully recovered, and he would certainly show up himself instead of sending another officer...

While he is contemplating the best course of action, the woman grins at him. She has a humanoid appearance, possibly human, although Spock has never seen the particular colour of orange or red curls in human hair, nor the pale white, shiny, nearly glittering and flawless skin.

If he were attracted to women and not yet in a t'hy'la bond, he might have considered her attractive.

 

"Hey man I know this isn't like the nice way or anything, just showing up without knocking," the woman starts talking, arms still casually raised in mock surrender.

"but we really only got a few minutes on this 'verse and you might even thank me for this later... Which is also why, may I?"

She slowly moves her hands towards him, fingers outstretched, and it takes Spock a second to realise that the human appearing person is asking him to mind-meld.

Given that he has already established his inferior position in this setting, it seems best to give his mind freely, although it makes him set his jaw anxiously. 

Vulkans do not feel anxiety. Spock, however, has learned about himself that he very well does.

 

He lowers the phaser.

  
The next second, he is encompassed by not the mind of the stranger, but rather his own memory as the woman is searching through it.

She seems particularly interested in his bonds, and for a moment he has the unrealistic fear that she will attempt to dissolve his connection to Jim, but she just passes the t'hy'la bond, as well as his parental bond to Sarek, and searches around the place where the lost bond to his mother would be.

Thinking about her still hurts, no matter how much he mediates over her loss. 

 

Suddenly, the presence in his mind is gone, and Spock opens his eyes to find the woman still in front of him, one hand pressed to her left ear and talking. Perhaps a kind of communicator?

"...definitely him- yeah man I just said so whatthe- can y'all double check whether there's already one around? Cece?"

Someone appears to be answering, although Spock can not hear anyone's voice. A secret communication channel directly set into the inner ear of the woman? Spock has heard of such devices being used by humans before, although Starfleet does not widely accept them due to the lack of transparency. 

The woman appears to be listening intently, although her posture is still somewhat slouching. And that is even for a human.

 

Tapping her ear again, she now speaks in a louder voice, presumably for a broader or at least different audience on the other side of the communicator.

"Alright Mandy, looks like we found yours! Get ready for transport, yea?"  
And, directed at Spock himself: "Cmon man lets move, believe me you don't want to not beam up that one!"

 

'Mandy'?

A human abbreviation for the name Amanda, as Spock has sometimes heard people call his mother when she was talking to her acquaintances on earth.

And the woman had been looking at his parental bonds, checking whether the one with his mother is no longer there...

Spock did not want to hope in case his heart would just be shattered again when this turned out to be about something entirely else.

But he still let the woman to the transporter room without further questioning. Even without alerting the captain. 

 

 

The officer in the room looks up as they enter, appearing surprised.  
"Commander? Is something wrong? I wasn't aware we were in transporter range to anything-"

"Let me?" the woman asks before Spock can get a word in, bouncing on her toes in an excited fashion that quite reminds Spock of his mate, and motioning towards the control panel.  
Spock nods, and the woman practically jumps towards the panel, once again grinning in a way Spock is not certain was meant to show enjoyment or something more aggressive.

"One to beam up!" the women says, finger again pressed against her ear, now sounding happy as well as- mocking? She was clearly pretending to act like the officer usually assigned to this position, or Captain Kirk whenever he gave an order to do so, and Spock wondered where she had obtained knowledge on such rather informal starfleet protocol.

 

Then all thoughts on the stranger left his mind as a figure starts to appear in the transporter, first resembling, then clearly being an absolutely accurate image of his mother's body, Amanda, alive.

Which is impossible.  
Because his mother died almost a year ago.

Of course, given the fact that she is currently standing right in front of him, blinking against the bright lights of the room and mumbling "I will never get used to this...", Spock is forced to reevaluate this 'fact'.

Once every other possibility has been proven impossible, the last possible outcome must be true, no matter how implausible. Or so a human philosopher once said.

If his mother was alive, and her and the woman had arrived from another 'verse' perhaps the accident with the Rockland and the red matter had dragged her into a different reality instead of killing her?

 

But he had yet to be certain. A striking resemblance to her body did not mean that the being in front of him was truly Amanda Grausam Spock.

And the twitch in his mind where the parental bond to her used to be could simply be an after effect on the other woman being inside his head.

 

"Mother." he nonetheless addressed the being in front of him. If it was in fact a hostile alien following any kind of plan of infiltration, it was most definitely logical to lull it into a false sense of security to avoid conflict.

"Spock?!" the woman- and Spock doesn't have the power within himself to further mentally address her simply as a being, not with _that_  expression on her face- blinks against the light again, staring at him with shock, relief and _love_ clearly visible in her human face.

"Spock, is it really you?" she stumbles forward, and Spock steps in her direction as well, painfully trying to suppress the emotions threatening to break free.

"Indeed it is mother. With your permission, will you allow me to implement a mind meld to confirm your identity as well as reestablish our bond in the case of you being who you are stating to be?"

"Of course, Spock" she whispers, stopping to walk.

A tear runs down her face. Spock supresses the urge to wipe it away and instead lifts his hands to her meld points.

 

The onslaught is immediate.

His mind sings, feelings and memories overwhelming him as his mental shields are forcefully broken down by the bond rebuilding itself.

In a state of mind Spock feels unable to describe, he at the same time feels acutely aware of the fact that he gasped out loud, and that a tear is now running over his own face, and that the officer behind him appears most concerned while the foreign woman is chuckling and talking to someone on the com- yet he is neither able to stop any of his involuntary reactions, nor able to do or focus on anything but the connection to his mother.

 

His mother.

Amanda.

Alive.

 

Like a mantra, the fact keeps repeating in his mind, even as his hands fall away from her face and he feels their bond complete itself.

"Spock-" his mother says again, a almost inaudible sob. Her arms raised, and a second later Spock finds himself drawn into a bone crushing hug, which he can't help but return.

For a while, they just stand like that, holding onto each other, relishing in their refound connection. 

 

A groan from behind them makes Spock jump to attention and straighten his body before turning back around.

He does, however, keep a hand on his mother's arm, as if to ensure she is still physically there.

 

The woman, apparently the one who let out the annoyed noise, is now leaning against the front of the transporter panel directly in front of them.

"Maaan, I really don't wanna interrupt the cozy thing you've got going there, but we're kinda on a tight schedule?" 

Spock immediately tightens his grip on his mother's arm. 

The woman just rolls his eyes at them.

"Naw you can keep her, 's kinda why we went here man. But if y'all want to interview us for like an official report or i-de-e-kay, get a move on..."

"Thank you!" his mother interrupts her, stepping forward and offering her a hand in human fashion. Spock forces himself to stay back and focus on the bond, proving that his mother is indeed alive despite not having a physical contact anymore.

"Thank you, Victoria, I don't even know what to say- that you brought me back here, that you went the entire way to-"

"Yeeah yeah quit the mushy" Victoria waves away her outstretched hand and turns around to leave the room.

"Now, do I gotta report on why she ain't dead after all or not? Do y'all just let zombies run around with no explanation?" she calls over her shoulder.

"I would indeed be pleased to get informed on just what happened" Spock states, dragging his mother along and hurrying to catch up with the woman in front of them, who appears to be on her way to the bridge.

 

Upon their arrival, there is a lot of confusion from the other commanding personnel, but Spock silences them and waves Victoria over to the communication system, figuring that she operates best at doing things herself instead of giving orders, and it is therefore the logical choice in their time-sensitive situation to let her do her thing.

She hits a few orders, then connects a device to the controls that is shining such a bright blue light Spock is unable to actually identify it.

Nearly immediately, a ship is suddenly visible on screen.

It didn't appear out of warp- it must have been there before, only shielded, Victoria's device making it visible.

 

She hails the other ship, and a second later another human woman appears on screen. To Spock's knowledge she appears to be of asian heritage. In the background, another young woman or girl and a little child are visible.

"Hey Vicky, did everything go well?" 

After Victoria nods her affirmative, the woman on screen turns to Spock.

"Commander. I am Cleo Yamasaki of the Central, an organisation both unknown to you and that you most likely will never be confronted with again. I will answer all your questions that I can do within the next seven point three minutes. But first- Amanda, are you alright?" 

Spock appreciates both the concern for his mother as well as the solemn, almost vulcan-like demeanor.

 

"I'm good, thank you." Amanda smiles at the screen, standing close to her son.

"And for once that actually seems to be the truth" Yamasaki nods at her before turning to Spock. "Alright. Now, where should we start?"

 

"Ugh, babe, can we quit the bullshit and just tell them the story? S not like they have any clue about what they should ask anywayyyys" Victoria groans.

Ms Yamasaki laughs. "While I agree with that, this is an official Starfleet ship and we should at least try to stick to protocol-"

Victoria hits her head against a wall and groans again. Humans are stil sometimes a puzzle to Spock.

 

"Maybe I should start" Amanda speaks up. "I mean, I will keep it short for now as I will still be able to answer questions later, but I think it's still better to start at the beginning?"

Both Spock and Ms Yamasaki nod.

"On stardate..."

It still hurts as she retells the story. And not just because of the lost planet. Logically, Spock knows that he no longer has to grieve for his mother as she is right in front of him, but his subconsciousness has yet to understand this. He will have to meditate a lot next night. 

 

"...and I was certain I was going to die- only I didn't! Suddenly, everything was dark for a second, and I felt like I was being squished together- and then I was on Vulcan again, standing right in front of her-" she points at Victoria.

"Yeah yeah man don't make it look like I'm a lifesaver or anything" Victoria looks most uncomfortable. 

"I mean, I was just standing there- because, in our 'verse, we were just hanging out on Vulcan cause Cece wanted to find out stuff bout her brain twins or whatever, so I'm chilling outside cause obvs I'm not dealing with that, and then suddenly there's a presence right under me? And I guess I didn't even think, I just blasted open the stone and got her out and yea" 

 

Spock has trouble understanding most of Victoria's phrasing, despite having lived amongst humans for several years now.

He does think he understood most of the essence of what she has said, but he would rather be certain.

"Are you indicating that you and your people are residents of another universe?"

"Universe, reality, timeline... Whatever you want to define it as." she smiles.

"We had to check several alternative realities for Amanda's existence until we found this one, where she both existed before and was believed dead, which fits her story. We want no payment of you except for you to let us go freely-"

("As if these kids could stop us" Victoria snorts quietly).

 

"Anyways. We don't have much time left, V are you coming over?"

"I will walk you back to the transporter room-" Spock offers, but Victoria shakes her head.

"Not necessary!"

With a bang, she disappears, showing up on screen right next to Ms Yamasaki, proving Spock's theory that she is indeed able to change her place in the physical world without help.

"It was a pleasure to meet you all." Cleo Yamasaki says as goodbye.

Spock wants to reply to live long and prosper, but Victoria chimes in:

"Oh and by the way, I know it's gonna look like we're nuts but us leaving really only works that way, we tried!" 

The screen goes black.

 

Spock motions for someone to get the image of the spaceship in front of them amplified.

It is a fascinating modell, unknown to Spock and, judging by the reactions of the present crew, everyone else as well.

Then something on top of the ship moves up, it looks like- stabilisers for artificial gravity? But why outside their ship?

The answer comes soon as the young woman who had been in the back of the room exits the spaceship, seemingly unharmed despite apparently standing in open space without a suit- she moves her arm back, muscles tensing, punches forward- and a shining, twirling round structure appears in front of her.

The girl jumps back inside, and the spaceship disappears through the ring of light and darkness. A hole perhaps, a wormhole connecting dimensions?

 

 

The scientific driven side of Spock would like to consider the possibilities further, but he finds he is unable to think properly.

Either way, they are gone.

Spock feels Amanda let out a deep breath next to him. She looks exhausted.

"May I lead you to my quarters?" he asks her, ignoring the questions of the confused officers around him and leading her away. 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (idk whether anyone read this while it was still a wip and I accidentally posted it prematurely, if yes guess you had to suffer through my way of draftwriting... Sorry?)
> 
> (am aware what Spock quotes is a Sherlock quote, not rly a philosopher. Don't think Spock would know that)
> 
>  
> 
> Hope y'all liked it!
> 
> Kudos, comments and constructive criticism are always appreciated :)


	2. Chapter 2

 

* * *

 

Jim Kirk wakes up to a dark and lonely room and he immediately feels that something is wrong.

At first he thinks it's just a leftover feeling from bad dreams- he often has nightmares, now he can't remember what happened exactly but he's sure it wasn't anything nice. Probably about their latest (mis)adventure, about fighting, and running, and hopelessness and dying. 

 

As he stretches his arms and body, trying to shake off the lingering feelings and coming fully awake, he notices that the feeling won't go away like it usually does.

It's like a gut feeling, only not quite... Just _uneasiness_  clouding his mind.

What's going on?

Blinking the sleep from his eyes, he tries to figure out what is wrong when- yes! It's obvious, it has to be coming through his bond- Spock! Is he alright?

There are no new messages on his communicator, but with how mother-hen the entire crew had been just because he happened to have been in a coma a few days, he wouldn't put it past them to leave him in the dark if something is going on.

Quickly putting on his uniform, he opens the door, finding it unlocked. Okay so it can't be that bad, after all they wouldn't just let him walk around unbriefed if there had been an invasion or whatever.

 

Going around a corner, he passes ensign Chekov who is typing away on a padd.

"Have you seen Commander Spock?"

"Huh? Uh, 'ello Captain, no wait yez! Was on his way to ze transport room with a straange lady, I- I didn't especially ask what zey where doing, zeemed to be in quite a hurry and she zeemed a bit- intimidating?"

Jim nods at him and starts walking in the direction of the transporter room, when suddenly- _oh_!

 

It's like he feels everything at once, or maybe just one thing, but _so much_ -

His limbs won't listen to him anymore, or maybe he just can't think enough about anything besides the _feelings_ to give his body the proper orders... he doesn't know how to move forward, or just open his eyes...

 

Jim doesn't notice that he is crumbling in on himself, or the whimpering noises he makes.

He doesn't hear or see Chekov asking him in a more and more agitated voice what is wrong, doesn't hear the Doctor bring called and McCoy and Chekov walking him to sick bay.

It's like his entire being is consumed by something he can't even describe- and it isn't bad, is nothing like all-consuming torture or pain, the opposite really.

 

Then, from one second to the other, it is gone.

 

"... Jim! Jim, are you in pain?"

Blinking, Jim tries to focus on McCoy's face in front of him. When did Bones get here? Wait- that's definitely sickbay, how did _he_ get here?

"Jim?"

Coughing, Jim forces himself to answer the question. 

"I- no, actually- and it's completely gone now but- it wasn't _pain_ , it was-"

"Jim?"

"So good..."

 

He looks like he is miles away, and McCoy slowly starts to get really worried. Okay, not just slowly. And he feels like a broken record, but what else is he supposed to do?

"Jim?!"

Suddenly, the captain jumps to attention, attempting to hop down from the bed, and only McCoy physically getting into his way stops him.

"What on earth do you think you are doing?!"

"I have to find Spock!" Jim still struggles to get away.

"Oh damn, it's that bond thing of yours is it? But you said you weren't in pain, so most likely nothing happened to the hobgoblin, you should really get used to him having feelings sometimes if it- hey! Jim!"

 

 

On the bridge Jim finds total chaos.

Well, actually given that he can name several occasions where the chaos had been worse, maybe _total_ chaos is a bit of a stretch.

Still.

Everyone is wildly talking all over the place, and half the stations are abandoned.

 

"Uhum!" Jim announces his presence, hoping that that will lead to a bit of order.

No such luck.

"Captain!"

"Sir, where have you been?"

"Sir, do you have any idea what was going on?"

 

Jim blinks.

"Okay, so first of all today Commander Spock is in command, so I didn't mysteriously dissappear. Second, I have no idea what was going on, I thought maybe you could tell me?"

Immediately after saying that he regrets not having addressed one person in particular. 

"There was this strange woman-"

"Well there were two woman but I think the commander knew one of them."

"...and then there was this ship!"

"And they talked about timetable and other _realities_ -"

"And then just disappeared!"

 

"Wait, who disappeared?" Jim asks, his confusion and an accompanying headache growing.

"Both!"

"Well first the woman just literally disappeared into thin air-"

"and then the ship disappeared through a- a _thing_ into another dimension!"

 

Jim feels his panic rising.

"Spock was on that ship??"

"Uh no Sir, he and the other woman left, I think for his quarters?"

"Thanks." Finally some understandable information. Taking a deep breath, Jim hurries back the way he came.

"Uh, Sir? Sir, who is in command now?!"

But he has already passed the next corner.

 

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

  
Spock walks his mother to what are still theoretically his own quarters, technically though just empty quarters next to the ones he and Jim are now living in together.

Maybe his mother can live here, if she decides to stay for a while, or at least until they reach a destination to drop her of at...

He's quite certain the captain wouldn't be opposed to a trip to New Vulcan, even though it is completely off course to their actual direction. On the one hand, the prospect of abusing his relationship with the Captain and Jim himself abusing his power fill Spock with aversion, but on the other hand the prospect of having his mother around just a little longer....

 

Amanda sighs again, pulling Spock from his thoughts and dragging a hand over her face.

She has to stop walking for a moment, taking a deep breath.

"God, Spock, I'm sorry I just- this is all so much..."

"No need to feel sorry, mother. And we have almost reached our destination, you will be able to relax in there"

 

Once in the quarters, Spock closes door behind them.

As he turns around, Amanda immediately engulfs him in a hug.

Through their touch the bond is once again present on his mind...

"I find myseld- very glad that you are alive" Spock presses out.

"I'm glad we're both alive too" Amanda's gives a shaky smile. "and...?"

 

Whether through the bond or just his immense knowledge of the way his mother thinks, Spock immediately knows what she wants to ask.

"Sarek is alive and well," he pushes the bond to his father to the front of his mind while opening all Shields towards Amanda. "and so are Sybok and Michael."

Amanda breathes in, tries to say something and starts crying again.

Spock gently motions for her to sit down on the bed- the still eerily made, for weeks now untouched bed, and he notices that there is yet another thing he will have to tell his mother. But not right now. Jim will understand, he is certain. 

 

After Amanda gets her breathing under control again and her sobs begin to cease, she says "I want to talk to him. Sarek, I- I _need_ to talk to him"

"Of course. You might, however, want me to premonish him first, as he might not believe that it is truly you if he just suddenly sees your face on screen. And he might still not believe you without physical proximity for the bond..." Spock takes a moment to thunk. "...I may be able to connect the two of you through our mutual bond to you. I would try and meditate for it... it has been done before. However, I will still talk to him first."

His mother nods, and Spock sits down in a meditative pose, focusing his mind on his father.

"Sarek!" 

The answer is immediate, Sarek seems to have already been meditating.

"Spock. I notice you are shielding something from me. What is going on?"

"There has been an unexpected development." Spock answers.

He suddenly doesn't know just how he is supposed to breach the topic. The usual vulcan outright truth feels hasty and... unbelievable.

 

"Spock, I can feel your inner turmoil, just tell me what is happening." 

"Mother is alive" Spock mentally blurts out.

"-What?"

"I assure you it is the truth. I have melded with her to confirm her identity, and our bond has rebuilt itself.

Now you understand why I did not wish to simply announce these news to you..."

 

"Yet I am glad you did so" Sarek answers after an uncharacteristically long pause.

"May I speak with her through your communications unit?"

"We were considering the idea of connection you via both of your bonds to me instead, so as you may confirm her identity for yourself" 

After thinking for a moment, Sarek answers   
"Yes, if you you can do so without overly exhausting yourself, that would indeed be preferable. Not that I don't trust your judgement, but I have to consider the notion that you have somehow been tricked into or forced to tell me false news."

"I understand."

 

Sinking deep into meditation, Spock seeks out both the connection to his mother and his father at the same time.

It takes an enormous amount of concentration, but finally he can feel their presences finding each other, can hear their mental voices talking to each other- until with a flash, both presences are gone. Not completely, the bonds are still there, but somehow... Oh!

Spock opens his eyes, and indeed, his mother is still deep in thoughts, tears streaming down her face and an expression not unlike the one she had when she first mind-melded with Spock again.

Through the connection Spock gave them, the bond between Amanda and Sarek has been rebuilt. 

 

Smiling softly, Spock moved from the bed and goes to leave the room, giving his parents a bit of privacy. 

Amanda notices him leaving and breaks out of meditation. 

"Wait, where are you going? Sorry Sarek-"

"I just wanted to let you and Sarek- reconnect" Spock says.

Amanda smiles. "Thank you" she gets up and pulls him into a hug. "Come back later?" 

"We are on a starship. There is nowhere I could go without you being able to find me."

"You know what I mean. Just- be back?"

"I will not be far." Spock promises, indeed intending to just go into the Captain's quarters next door.

 

"You can- make yourself at home here as the human phrase says. I have not used these quarters in a while."

She lifts an eyebrow at him. "I feel like there is a story to that?" 

Spock nods. "Indeed there is. I am looking forward to tell you everything later."

Then he leaves the room, and for the first time since her return he is out of visual range of his mother.

Outside the room, Spock finds the sudden knowledge of this fact somewhat disturbing. 

And, while he can still sense he through the bond, he cannot suppress an illogical fear of abandonment. 

 

 

Shielding his mother from his feelings, while carefully not shielding her from his presence in general, Spock allows himself to feel.

And if earlier he had thought that he had already rbeen reacting as emotional as possible, he had been mistaken.

Then, the gravity of what happened hadn't completely sunk in yet, and while the situation still made him somewhat react, it was nothing compared to this.

His mother is alive!

Alive, and unharmed, just suddenly here and _alive_!

But he grieved for her? Was so certain that she had died? Anger curses through him now as well, at no-one in particular but rather at the circumstances. He tries to push the feeling away, telling himself it doesn't matter, so maybe he grieved for nothing, she's still alive now, that's all that counts... It just makes him cry.

Pressing a hand against his mouth so as not to make any sounds, all to aware of his mother on the other side of the door.

He should just go away, inside the other quarters or just somewhere else, so as not to have to be quiet anymore, but he is unable to move, sobs shaking his body.

He has to press his hand even harder onto his mouth, and it starts to hurt, but he barely cares.

Shaking, he sinks onto the floor.

 

And that's when Jim finds him.

 

 

At the sight of his boyfriend crumbled on the floor, Jim rushes closer, alarmed.

"Spock? Love, what is-"

Spock motions for him to be quiet with the hand not pressed onto his mouth.

"Okay" Jim whispers, bending down in front of him, stroking Spock's arms soothingly and sending him reassurance, love and calm through the bond.

 

After a while, Spock stops shaking quite as hard, and he can lift his hand away from his face. 

"Want to go inside now?" Jim asks softly.

" _Okay_ " it's just a whisper, Jim isn't sure whether Spock actually spoke out loud or just moved his lips and sent the word via their bond.

He gets up, still moving shakily. Jim offers him a hand, then moves back- he doesn't quite understand yet what happened to Spock anf wants to let him decide where to go without asking again and forcing him to explain something. 

 

Spock walks into their shared quarters, Jim close behind him.

As the other stays back for a second to lock the door, he is suddenly eerily aware of what he must look like - swollen eyes, greenish face...

He hides his face in embarrassment.

 

"Shh no, it's alright my love you are still beautiful to me" Jim, immediately knowing what Spock thinks, gently pulls his face up by his chin and kisses both cheeks.

"And I know you, I know whatever has shaken you so badly must be quite something."

He leads him to the bed and they both sit down closely, Spock snuggling into Jim's side.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" Jim asks, stroking a hand down Spock's arm.

 

Spock takes a deep breath, and he immediately feels tears stinging in his eyes again.

Illogical.

But he cannot help it.

 

"My mother is alive" he states, surprising himself with how clear his voice sounds.

 

For a moment, Jim doesn't know what to say.

Then he decides that it doesn't matter what else was going on or how and why Amanda is alive, what counts is Spock and the fact that he was _crying_. 

"Okay..." He says slowly "That is something good, right?"

Spock nods. "We even- we even have our bond of family back, I did not know whether it was possible after so long, but it manifested instantly..."

"Oh, babe, that's amazing! And that's what I must've felt earlier... But Spock, then why are you so distressed now? Cause that sure didn't look like only tears of joy"

"I just-" Spock shakes his head, trying to get his thoughts in their usual precise order, but it is no use. "I _grieved_ for her, and now- and I should've been looking for her instead all this time-"

"Oh _babe_ don't beat yourself up over that, I mean I still don't know what happened exactly- and don't have to tell me now, but it must've been something unexpected because I can't think of anything myself, and you know how out of the line I tend to think! You couldn't have anticipated this, my love."

 

Spock takes a shaky breath and smiles into Jim's neck. Of course his t'hy'la is right as he tends to be, completely despite- or maybe because of his illogical ways.

"Thank you" he mumbles with much feeling in the silent words.

And after a moment,he adds: "I find myself- _so_ happy that she is alive."

"As is understandable" Jim grins and kisses his head. "and I'm happy for you, and I'm also happy that I will actually get to meet your mom. Wait-" 

Suddenly he's struck by a realisation. 

"So she is next door, is she?"

"Indeed" Spock nods. 

"I have connected her bond with Sarek via both their bonds to me-"

"Really? I didn't know is was possible for vulcans to bond without physically touching!"

Spock squirms slightly. "It had been- untested before, just letting two people feel their presences through a third party is a thing only few vulcans have attempted in the past."

Jim laughs out loud. "And once again you exceeded all expectations, huh?"

Spock can only shrug. The emotional exhaustion is catching up with him, and suddenly, all he wants to do is fall asleep.

 

"Come on babe" Jim helps Spock from the bed and out of his uniform. "I think you had enough excitement for the day."

Once he is clad in his sleeping robe, Spock lingers on the foot of the bed while Jim already snuggles into the covers.

"I know it is illogical given that I can feel her wellbeing through the bond, but- I would like to check up on my mother before going to sleep"

"Of course" Jim smiles in understanding. 

 

Silently, Spock opens the doors to the bathroom and looks into his old room.

His mother is laying on the bed, still clad in the clothes she was wearing earlier- and she must've gotten them from the people of the other reality, as Spock now realises that he had never seen her in this attire before.

Her breathing indicates that she is sound asleep.

For a while, Spock just watches her chest rise and lower itself, then he quietly closes the doors again and climbs into bed next to Jim. 

 

"She is asleep" he reports. 

"Aww" Jim smiles. "And so you should be as well, babe."

Spock smiles in agreement but turns around and presses a kiss to Jim's lips. "I love you, my t'hy'la. You are what keeps me sane... I do not know how I would survive if it were not for you"

"Aww now you're getting all mushy" Jim blushes. "Love you, too. And everything else as well, you know"

"I do know indeed" Spock smiles, and Jim just has to kiss that smile again.

They break apart as Spock can't suppress a yawn.

Jim laughs and lays back on the pillow. Spock turns around and snuggles back to him until his back is flush to Jim's chest, and Jim's arms wrap around him.

"Goodnight, my love"

"Sleep well, Ashayam. I will tell you everything in the morning"

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this ending lives up to the first part, do admit I was struggling a bit writing this!
> 
> If you like it, do tell me :)
> 
>  
> 
> You can find me on tumblr and instagram @lilolilyrae


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